Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
