obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
