I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
