my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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