im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
