coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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