I could make wine with my vomit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
