Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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