i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
