Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
