My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
