She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I see more hoeing in ur future
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
