By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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