apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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