I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
