As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
