Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
