i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
