She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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