How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
