I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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