Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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