Whats the glycemic index on semen?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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