At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've blown a few things in my day
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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