I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
