So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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