I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
