just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
