Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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