we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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