I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
