He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
