I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
