Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
