How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
