I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
