she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
