I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
