im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
