New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
