i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
