A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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