my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is the high leading the old right now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
