At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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