Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
