What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
