Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
