how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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