i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
