I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
only if we run a train.
done.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
