so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
