how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
